Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
