dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
