he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
