I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
