she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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