My Higher Power is John Stamos
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
