how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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