my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
