Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
