It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
