Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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