i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
only if we run a train.
done.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
