When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
