If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
