Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
