we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
