i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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