Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
