Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
