Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
