dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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