He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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