Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
