I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.