you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...