she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made him laugh his dick is mine