i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were trust falling into bushes