I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?