rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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