there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
