need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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