Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
