...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
