It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
