Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
