He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
