and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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