there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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