It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
