wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize