So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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