I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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