Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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