Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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