He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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