I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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