By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize