I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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