Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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