so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone came in the potted fern
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
