I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
