We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish there were birth control emojis
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
