you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
