I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
