There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
