laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
