I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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