I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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