I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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