did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
