Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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