I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you traded sex for a burrito?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
