i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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