My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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