Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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