i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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