he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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