This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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