I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
