I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize