I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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