My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize