i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Green mimosas i think yes
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
