What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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