your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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