U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
