dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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