dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
