she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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