So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
