This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
