I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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