he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
