It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
