Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
birth control should be required to get into college
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
