i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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