I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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