Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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