those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
