Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
